My Online Home

I haven’t written anything here for ages. I guess it’s been a crazy … pretty much exactly 2 months (looking at the dates). I got up at 4:30 to take my sister to the airport this morning, hence having some spare time to write.

So what’s been happening? Well, too much eBaying for a start. I’ve been a member since 2001, and bought and sold heaps of hi-fi gear, CDs, DVDs, games, headphones, books, gifts and stuff like that.

But, a couple of months ago I discovered that men’s designer clothing is so cheap on eBay compared to retail. I’m not talking about the fakes, but about genuine stuff, like unwanted gifts that don’t fit. I’ve got some awesome bargains! And buying stuff from overseas. The good thing about the financial crisis is that US and UK currency is pretty weak compared with AU currency, which opens up a couple of new markets of great stuff. For example, pretty much any alpaca knit jumper in Australia is going to be $100s, but importing one direct from Peru costs maybe $50. I do wonder about how much slave labour went into my jumper, but it’s so soft and light, yet toasty warm.

Also, as the whole world probably knows, the PS2 gaming platform is dying fast, on the verge of exctinction, with barely any new titles coming out, and zero good ones. For me this is great, because there’s some awesome, awesome games in the system’s 10,000+ strong library. So I’ve been scouring all the review sites and picking up the gems cheap. I’ve now got pretty much every game I want for the platform. It’s going to keep me busy for years and years playing through all these! One of these days I’ll post a title list. My sister and I have been having so much multiplayer fun … James Bond: Everything or Nothing is a surprisingly good game, and the co-op is great!

Haha, anyway, thanks to Kevin Rudd mostly, but even so, I’m still pretty broke now, after eBaying combined with my trip to Adelaide, lots of eating out etc. So my budget is back, and kicks in on the 1st July. Good timing I thought, the beginning of a new financial year. Man, my account balance is so negative! And has been for like 2 / 3 years. Oh well, comparing my budget with an online debt repayment calculator means that if I stick to it, in 10 months, my balance will be back to zero. I should be able to stick with it ok, it’s not too restrictive, I just need some will-power. Oh well, I’d better pray hard for that!

Work’s going well, I’m really feeling like part of the team now after 6 months. They’re a great bunch of people, and there’s lots of interesting stuff to do. I’m still waiting for results to come out for the selection process for my position, should be sometime next month.

On a more serious note, it’s been a difficult couple of months emotionally. I can’t go into details, but there’s been a few nights of just lying in bed, heart aching and eyes full of tears. I guess things came to a head on Sunday and for the next 3 days I was shocking, just so sad.

It got me thinking about what difficult times mean, and I remembered this passage from Job:

Then Job replied to the LORD :

   "I know that you can do all things;
      no plan of yours can be thwarted.

   You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?'
      Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
      things too wonderful for me to know.

   "You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak;
      I will question you,
      and you shall answer me.'

   My ears had heard of you
      but now my eyes have seen you.

   Therefore I despise myself
      and repent in dust and ashes."

In particular, ‘My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.’ strikes me. I guess being in pain and coming to God is one time where he honours his promise to reveal himself to us if we search after him with our whole heart. Anway, for the last few months, studying James in Jabez has been timely.

Ah, but does this apply to self-inflicted suffering? Hmmm … but then, is any suffering completely self-inflicted? I think rarely. Anyway, things are ok now, all worked out, thanks to my friend’s very large, very warm and very kind heart.

And now, I’d better have some more coffee and go to work. Got my first staff member too look after in my new team coming today!

Each of us has three distinct selves, the one we would like to be, the one we think we are and the one we actually are. The first two are familiar to us, the last is not.

I’ve been sick for over a week now. I remember waking up on Good Friday, and barely being able to swallow, and all congested, then thinking ‘Oh no, Paul’s Easter drama!’ Then having 1 hour sleep Saturday night before a dawn Mt. Ainslie walk pretty much killed me.

Oh, along with going back to work. I felt a bit better Tuesday, so went to work, and woke up on Wednesday feeling pretty shocking. And here it is, Saturday morning, but nothing much has changed.

I’d better rest up well this weekend. I think I can too, only have an airport run for some friends to do.

Workwise, I’m heading off early on Monday with my friend Matt to Albury airport, then we’re taking a hire car to Shepparton. It’s a 3 day trip, and should be fun. A nice change from the office surroundings. Week after next I’ve got a similar trip to Liverpool. I’ve also got a job application to do, the position I’m acting in has been advertised permanently (closes early May).

I dropped my sister off at the airport last night, she’s off to Melbourne for the weekend. So it’s just me and her cat Zeta this weekend. I can’t help but smile wryly, 7:00 Saturday morning I find myself up early listening to a beautiful, scratchy, old opera recording (Chopin, recorded 1952) on ABC Classic FM. Feels like vinyl … but streamed over the internet. I am becoming quite fond of Lydia’s cat. She snuggles me a lot, so even though she’s eaten through the cable of my favourite headphones twice, I can’t stay mad at her. Hopefully I get them back from repair soon.

Being home sick is really bad for my budget! There’s just so much good stuff on eBay. I bought some (perhaps fake, we’ll see) Sony headphones so far below retail I couldn’t resist (http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MEWNX:IT&item=170320569356). I cleared my room up and discovered a spare space which I’ll fill with this JVC executive micro system selling for a 20th its new price (http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MEWNX:IT&item=180345829667). I found a beautiful, brand new, pink Ralph Lauren polo for less than a quarter retail (http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MEWNX:IT&item=160326243660).

There’s also 2 I haven’t won yet, the most awesome Adidas / Porsche Design jacket (http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MEBIDX:IT&item=120407128521) and a nice, brand new, red Ralph Lauren polo (http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MEBIDX:IT&item=270373538038). I don’t think I’m ever going clothes shopping physically again, with all this good stuff for so cheap on eBay. Hmmm, y watch list is a bit too long at the moment.

Our new agreement came in at work. I’m thinking, should I cash out 2 weeks rec leave? I’ve got over 6 stored up, and it would go a long way towards installing reverse cycle heating / cooling which would make my sister very happy. So much money though, and it would be pretty much solely for her. I don’t mind the heat or the cold, and I don’t understand the people with all the complaints (not just talking about temperature now), being affected so much must be very tiring. I mean, like anything in life, you just take what comes and deal with it, right? I don’t know, maybe I’ve just exhausted myself emotionally over the years, so passively don’t care any more.

*Sigh* … anyway, the bad thing about being sick is you don’t see much of anyone. Unfortunately, I was so dead after my first day back at work that I couldn’t make it to Jabez last night.

Watch your thoughts, they become your words.

Watch your words, they become your actions.

Watch your actions, they become your habits.

Watch your habits, they become your character.

Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

It's been a long time since I've posted anything. I've been flat out settling in with my sister and her cat, organising my house, working long hours, spending time with interstate and international visitors and spending lots of time with friends. Oh and having a birthday. 26 is very old!

It's really good, my house is all in order. I've got everything I need and am really enjoying the place. I'm really blessed, it's perfect, and I haven't seen anything near as good for the same price on the market since.

Living with my sister is great. I get to make her coffees, bake her cookies, fry her eggs, wash her dishes, play PS2, watch movies, chat, drink peppermint tea, drink Guinness (she has champagne of course) and chat for hours with her. Ooh and I get to make her pay me rent!

My friend Claire came to visit Anna and I from Singapore! It was so nice to hang out and explore Sydney and walk and eat and chat for hours. It was very surreal at first, having Claire there as a really live person instead of text on MSN. Hopefully we can catch up again some day! I'm thinking to go to Singapore at the end of the year, my friend at work got return tickets for $423 the other day!

V-day and my birthday were really nice. Well, my birthday was an eventful day, but I wouldn't change a thing.

I think everything's settled down for the moment, which is nice. It will be good to sleep more than 5 hours again. Haha I just have to stop phoning my friend late at night. But I can't help it!

My Jabez cell group kicks off tonight with a welcome dinner (at a Spanish steak-house I think?). I think it will be a good year, they're a really great bunch of people. Ooooh and my Singaporean twin is back tomorrow. Woohoo!

I've been a little troubled about love again over the past few weeks. Ever since Sunny's wedding I've come to really, really like my friend a lot, but for some reason the other week when I prayed about it, I had doubts. My doubts have gone now though, and I've spent this week praying without them returning. I think it was based on what other people said, which is stupid because they don't even really know her. It's especially stupid when someone who does know her really well is much more positive about her.

It was strange, I was thinking that this girl is awesome, like really awesome, exactly what I want. I feel so strongly for her. But then I guess for some reason I questioned what I want, as if maybe it was the wrong thing. I think deep down I have this image of the perfect woman, and if I like someone who doesn't match up to that, I doubt because I distrust my feelings and my judgement.

Well, I realised this week that this perfect woman doesn't exist, it's a mirage, and so why should I doubt my feelings when I find someone I really, really like, just because they're different to that mirage? She is so beautiful, so kind and understanding, and has a good heart. No, make that a great heart, a really great heart. I can see that in her eyes and in her actions.